People often ask me why infertility awareness and support is so important to me even decades after I have resolved my infertility. Yes, I know... I was one of the lucky ones. After 7 IVF's and 40 embryos transferred, I was able to have our one and only child on May 1, 1994. But why didn't I move on? Why didn't I leave the painful memories of my infertility journey behind me?

My well-worn Infertility Awareness ribbon.

Well... truth be told, infertility still rears its ugly head to me now and again. When my son was little, he used to beg me for a baby brother or sister. I had to explain to him at a very young age why he was going to be an only child. You see, after our ten-year struggle to have our son, I had an ovarian cancer scare. (My mother died of ovarian cancer.) I ended up having to have my ovaries and tubes removed when I was just 39 years old. I knew that our son would be an only child. He would have made awesome big brother, but he will never know what it's like to have siblings. He also will have to navigate other life events as he grows older by himself, including relying on his own inner strength when my husband and I eventually pass away.

Bob and me on Thanksgiving Day 2019. I’m so grateful to be growing old with you.

In the sixty+ years I have been fortunate to be alive here on Earth, I have never suffered through anything quite as painful as our decade long struggle to build our family. We have lost 6 beloved family members. We have grown stronger as a couple even though time and distance separated us when my husband deployed for months at a time during his 26 years of service as a US NAVY officer. We beat cancer. We have faced grave illnesses, including one that left me with a permanent handicap. But nothing has been as difficult as infertility.

Bob and me after his return from one of his deployments. This was early in our marriage, 1988.

I felt so isolated and alone when I was struggling to build my family. I came from a wonderful family, and always dreamed of having a family of my own. Everyone around me was pregnant or already had a family. I didn’t feel like I fit in with society. No one talked about infertility and I often suffered in silence. I was diagnosed with “Unexplained Infertility.” No one could figure out why my IVF’s weren’t working. My doctors said that everything looked picture perfect. I made lots of eggs. My husband’s sperm was excellent. We made lots of embryos… many became blastocyts. But I couldn’t get pregnant no matter what we tried. I felt my body was betraying me. I felt like God was betraying me. If babies are a gift from God, then why couldn’t I have this gift?

All of these reasons made me feel called to turn my pain into purpose. Once I finally had our son, I could have put my infertility in a box and never talked about it again. But something in my heart nudged me on. I wanted to create some good out of this horrible disease that caused so much pain and suffering. I wanted to help others who are struggling to build their families so they will not have to navigate this difficult journey alone. And so, I wrote and published my own infertility support book, which I titled Detours: Unexpected Journeys of Hope Conceived from Infertility. I designed a line of infertility support greeting cards and have my own Etsy Store called FertiltyNFriendship. I make an annual trip to Washington DC for Infertility Advocacy Day to lobby congress for affordable access to care for all family building options.

When I was in Washington DC for my first Advocacy Day, I learned that Michigan was rated a "D" for fertility support. As a former elementary school teacher, I knew we could do better than that. I had work to do! So, I started my own RESOLVE Peer Led Support Group and I began volunteering once a week to answer calls on the RESOLVE 24/7 Helpline. I also launched my own website and Facebook group, called the In-Fertility Advocate so I could raise awareness and become a face for infertility. In 2019, I met the most wonderful person, LeAndrea Fisher, and we decided to raise awareness in our home state by co-chairing the annual Detroit, MI Walk of Hope, which will always be held during National Infertility Awareness Week.

LeAndrea Fisher and me. We call ourselves the “Dynamic Duo!”

Want to help? If you value family and want to help others, I surely would love to have you link arms with me and support by making a donation to our team. Even better yet, please join us in Detroit, MI at the Walk of Hope on April 24, 2021. The process for registration and donation is fast, easy, and secure... and you can be sure that it will benefit a great cause!

To learn more about the 2021 Detroit, MI Walk of Hope , please visit our registration webiste: give.classy.org/detroitwoh. I hope you’ll join the In-Fertility Advocate Team! One Morning. One Mile. One Community. Together we can make a difference.

Thank you in advance for your support and consideration.

In-Fertility & Friendship,

Sue

Turning My Pain Into Purpose